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posted by Hannah @ 10:27 PM
Sunday, November 23, 2008
LOTTIE BOGOTTI, the eco-friendly shop in Ibiza.
About Me
- Name: Hannah
- Location: San Carlos, Ibiza, Spain
My journey in life, so far, has brought me to Ibiza where I live with my baby and run Lottie Bogotti, my antique, vintage & eco-friendly shop in San Carlos. Having survived tough times, I know it's possible to turn your life around. I hope I prove to you that things can and do get better. All you need to do is to follow your dreams. Read my first ever article, in my archives, to find out more about me.
Good Books & Guides
Recent Wafflings
- Electric shock treatment for disobedience?
- It's a big club and you aint in it
- San Carlos, Ibiza
- A bunch of corrupt thugs
- Bullied by a three year old
- Sunday at the coves of Salinas, Ibiza - November
- Free Computer Tutorials in Ibiza
- Win-win-win-win
- No.1 but not there
- Domino toppling record
2 Comments:
Hi,
I am referring back to your problems with your daughter. If you do not want to hear "straight talk", delete this right now :). This is not meant to hurt your feelings or attack your motherhood skills. It IS meant to offer some help from someone who is old enough to be Lottie's grandmother. You wrote: "Lottie is a very entertaining, lively and confident little girl but she is also very bossy, demanding, loud, big, sneaky, cheeky, cunning and quite often violent. She bosses me about as though I am the three year old and she the mother." A 3-year-old child can boss an adult only if the adult permits that behaviour.
Get yourself a cheap mat and tell her that is where she will sit if she spits. Then, even if you have to carry her there 20 times, make her sit there for five minutes, telling her that you don't like it when she spits. Do the same if she tries to order you around, hits you, etc. You are the Mom and, as difficult as it can be to deal with bad behaviour and rages, if you don't do it now, Lottie will have no friends and you will have no babysitters.
When you give her a meal, give her the choice to eat it or not. If not, then take it away and give her nothing else until her next meal, and then give her only the usual amount. Stick with it even if she screams that she is dying from hunger. Food will look pretty good to her if she "chooses" to miss a meal or two. With clothes, pick out two outfits and tell her to choose one. That gives her the feeling that she does have some choice. That works very well with any number of difficult situations.
When she smacks you while you are cuddling her at bedtime, don't yell. Just get up and leave. Don't let her talk you into coming back. Tell her you are angry with her BEHAVIOUR and don't feel like cuddling. You will fell like a mean Mom, but SHE will learn that she cannot manipulate you.
The key is to be the MOTHER, set the rules, explain the consequences, and be consistent. Once she knows that you are no longer going to participate in her games, she will stop them.
Again, this was not meant to hurt your feelings. I work with kids, and I know that even little children will manipulate them if you let them.
Lottie will probably be a far happier child when she knows the rules and expectations, and she knows that YOU are in charge.
Good luck :)
Hi Anon,
Thank you for taking so much time to offer your help. It's very kind of you and it's nice to hear from someone else that it's not something major to worry about.
I think my main flaw has been in being the parent I would have been best suited to as a child and not one best suited to Lottie. She obviously needs me to be much stronger.
The spitting. I can't believe what I did a while ago at bedtime! I realised that she had not spat since the day she really spat. The carrots had worked! But! I made the mistake of mentioning it and therefore reminding her of spitting. She got excited at me praising her for not spitting, got carried away and spat. Grrr! I'll try a mat or blanket on the floor.
'Lottie will have no friends' I do worry about this although she seems very popular. She has friends in the neighbourhood and kids shout her name when we arrive at school which is so nice. I want more than anything for her to have lots of friends. Taking things off other kids has got to stop.
Thanks for the advice about not forcing her to eat her dinner. I'll not put so much pressure on her from now on. I have been trying to get her to finish because if she doesn't eat her first course I don't give her her yogurt/fruit and she winges all evening and opens the fridge door to try to get it. However, she's lost out on puddings a few times recently and I've not backed down so she's not so insistant.
Two outfits....I'll try that.
The smacking at bedtime...or poking me in the eye...pulling my hair. I don't yell. I do what you suggest and say 'We don't do that. That's not nice. Say you are sorry' before standing up, saying goodnight and walking away. She does get upset at the cuddles suddenly stopping and usually cries herself to sleep which is upsetting considering it has been going so well. But, as you said, she needs to understand that she has to be nice to me for her to feel good.
Today was a good day :)
Thanks...x
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