...and then everything went black

No....I'm not sending a message from heaven Ice ;) If I was that way inclined I would have been an angel on a cloud a long time ago. It's nice that you worried about me though:)

On Monday morning, just when I thought I'd reached my limit, had to accept defeat and grovel for scraps of child support from Lottie's daddy....the electricity was disconnected. My landline had been off for a week and I had no credit on my mobile. Fortunately I had some petrol so drove to my parents. Lottie was permitted to stay and I was told to go home. Oh well. Shit happens.

After failing to get a credit card payment through, I went home to my windowless apartment and climbed into bed, guided by my mobile phone light, to have a good cry. Remembering previous swollen tangerine segment eyelids put at stop to that after half an hour and I got out of bed determined to get some cash in my purse. I knew I had a bit of cash in a UK account and set off to Ibiza Town with my cash point card determined to, for once, find a bank which would accept it. After an hour and a half of walking in the heat with my dodgy knee I found one and limped back to my car feeling a bit better...but more crippled!

From the time of going to bed to cry and finding the cash I thought a lot about what it would be like to have to close my shop. I also thought long and hard about what it would be like to have 'him' in our lives. I realised just how much my shop (the work I do) meant to me and just how important the healthy shaping of Lottie's character is. My shop is me entirely and the work I do is perfect for me in every way. I have to fight for my shop as the alternative would require far more reluctant effort. Bringing Lottie up alone, practically and financially, is very difficult and involves times spent in the dark eating packet food but the alternative, I realised, would be far worse for me and immeasurably more damaging for Lottie. She's happy, confident and thriving at the moment. I realised I would rather live in a ditch than risk changing her good character, challenging though it is.

Having decided on these two things, I opened my shop and hoped. That was on Monday afternoon. Since then I have taken more money than in the previous month and a half, have been offered an interview opportunity by a magazine, have been told by a German music producer that my shop will be mentioned in his soon-to-be released album brochure (he chatted to me in the shop one day and I gave him and his girlfriend free tickets for Los Fabulosos), have been told by Facebook that the friends of the deactivated Lottie Bogotti Ibiza account (all 900 of them) will be transfered to my new Facebook Page where I can list things for sale, have received a belated birthday present in the post of a bar of very nice chocolate, have been paid shopping visits by many eager customers who came on holiday last year, have befriended an Italian girl who works in the restaurant nearby, have had orders for custom made things....

On Tuesday morning, I took Lottie back to her morning nursery and handed her and a wad of cash over to the Nazi nurses. I needed to get my calm mornings back no matter what. My parents have also agreed to take care of her from when she wakes up after her siesta too so I now have a nice routine, Lottie is in good care all the time and I can get my head down and work. During the summer months, Lottie and I will see each other first thing in the morning, at lunchtime, after siesta and on Sundays....a lot less than before. However, I am a lot happier and that can only be good for her. Sundays will have to be special.


Living in the dark also has its benefits. As it's impossible to cook, you don't. As you don't cook, you don't have to do any washing up. As your newly bought torch cannot reveal the dirt, you can't clean. As there's no hot water or lighting for long pampering sessions, you make do with a one minute cold shower with spooky torch light glowing through the curtain. As there's absolutely nothing to do once you've finished work, you go to bed early....unless you have enough battery power on your laptop to play mind numbing solitaire (the first time I ever looked for the games on my laptop!). I've gone to the beach during siesta most days, sunbathed, swam loads and waded so much people must have thought I was The Bionic Woman. My knee no longer hurts, I feel much fitter and I've got a tan :)

Despite working my socks off making lots of things and dealing with lots of customers, I feel like I've just got back from a holiday. In fact, when I saw my lights were on this afternoon, I was partly disappointed. I'd really enjoyed it. I was forced to live a very basic life, working during the day and sleeping when it went dark, and it was great.

When I was in bed crying and wondering what I was going to do in the dark with no money, one idea was to see if my petrol would get me to Bora Bora so I could party all night and sleep on the beach during day until my electricity was reconnected. It was tempting. I could have sat in a bar each night but didn't. I even declined a free invitation to a night at Las Dalias. I wanted to make sure I was fresh each morning. I guess I must have grown up....maybe partially temporarily though ;)

I now know that the threat of having my electricity supply disconnected is nothing to fear. Been there, done that and know how well your eyes adjust to the darkness after twenty minutes. Easy peesy! In fact....do it!

Something has got to give

My shop has been open for three hours in the last three days due to Lottie no longer going to nursery in the morning and my mother being ill and unable to have her. The nursery staff were like Nazis and I finally gave them the one finger salute, mentally at least. There are no other nurseries with morning spaces.

I opened on Saturday afternoon full of hope that Lottie would be ok outside with her table, chair, bike, rocking horse, toys, bucket of water and jugs, and new baby alarm to signal when she was out of bounds. However, she would not keep away from the café or the bar where she would persistently beg for food and drinks, often just taking them off people. This led to being told off by the owners. It's simply not possible to do anything other than constantly drag her away from where the grub is. When someone comes into the shop, it's not possible to keep Lottie in it also as she screams blue murder, throws things and makes dealing with customers impossible.

I am also still completely broke due to shelling out loads of money recently for my license, shop insurance, rates and God knows what. If someone came along and offered babysitting services I wouldn't have the money to pay them. The only help I could afford is slave labour.

I really am fed up living on the edge never knowing if I will be able to pay my bills and not having much money to spend on food. I am also fed up with being a single mother bringing up a very willful and strong child alone. To be honest, Lottie is extremely hard work and tires me out. I love her to bits but a lot of the time I'm stressed out, fed up and knackered as it's like fighting off a whirlwind all the time. She never stops.

The only thing I can think of is to contact her Daddy and force him to start to pay maintenance and have her part of the week. This is exactly what I have been battling to avoid but I cannot see any other solution. It would be giving in but what else can I do? If I carry on as I am doing I will go broke or collapse.

Never work with children or animals

Video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-30DDEgTe08

Hop-along Hannah

The doctor did a bit of bending and twisting this morning and guessed that I have broken something inside my knee and will need an operation. I think the bang on the coffee table three months ago is what done it. That damned table has produced a lot of bruises in its time!

I was sent on my way with a note to the hospital (to add me to the list of people waiting to see a specialist) and a prescription for paracetamol. The hospital duly told me I would be waiting for much longer than one month after I asked, 'One week? One month?'. The pharmacy girl said it would be more like six months! I'll be a cripple by then and hooked on pain killers!

I've already used up one fifth of my prescription so will either be visiting the doctor every five days or buying paracetamol all the time. Ahhhh.....but I've lined up a date with a pharmacist on Thursday ;) I've already asked him if morphine could be obtained should I be rendered to crawling in agony but, alas, it wouldn't be. Well, if you don't ask you don't get.

I'm going to try to fix the problem myself, or at least reduce the pain. I went to the beach today for an hour and did lots of wading in knee deep sea. I couldn't believe how the pain was reduced despite the fact I was going for it like someone with unbendable legs rushing for a bus. My knee and hip felt a lot better afterwords so I'll try to do it every day from now on.

Retro chic for really cool people like me

Blimey...today has been the best birthday a girl could have and it isn't even my birthday. I popped along to the second hand shops because it was so hot at around five o'clock there was no-one around. I nearly peed my pants when I saw two boxes of mainly 1970s glasses! Hundreds of the things and I bought the lot at a knock-down price which I'll not disclose.

Anyway, I've been like a child in a sweetie shop going through them and people in the street will have been wondering what all the squealing and laughing has been about. I've only scratched the surface but I've found some amazing ones. There are even a few 1950s ones. They've all got proper lenses in for long or short sightedness but I will replace them with sunglasses lenses. About half are either too boring to bother with or two perished but I will certainly have enough for a limited edition range for this summer. Totally original and eco-friendly goggles...oops....sunglasses.

My modeling abilities are improving I think.

The Romantic Detective

That's me right now due to this email I just received...

'I stumbled upon your blog and im hoping you can offer me some advice. I was in Ibiza 2 weeks ago and met a wonderful local spanish girl. I had all her contact details and many photos, but onthe way home to australia one of my bags was lost in transit and you guessed it, my camera, phone and all contacts details disappeared with it. All I have is a photo of me with 2 friends of hers, I know she is a native of Ibiza and her name is Celia. Do you know anyone I could pay to try and track down her friends from the photo and try to get in contact with her?'

I've already forwarded this in Facebook and will talk to all the locals soon. If anyone knows a young Ibicenco woman called Celia, let me know. Once I recieve the photo and more information on her I will post them on the blog.

How romantic! Ahhhhhh :)

Her 10mins of fame are over

My wooden statue pushed her luck too far by either entering one too many beauty contests or upsetting someone of massive 'importance'. One way or another she has been exposed as the stick of wood that she is and had her Facebook profile removed in humiliating fashion. She is currently shedding real tears for the first time as she is horrified at her reinstatement as a mere object.

I was pretty gutted too at first as she had amassed almost nine hundred friends, many of whom were carefully selected from the upper echelons of society and lists of eco fans. This list would have been very useful when launching my website. However, despite this knock back I got straight back on the case looking at this incident as a positive rather than a negative. I had been feeling uncomfortable about the prospect of always being called 'Lottie'. I had decided to use the wooden statue and not my own name as I felt I was a nobody and my presence was not needed. However, on reflection, the shop is mine, it was created by me and I design and make all the eco-friendly goods. Why should I hide?

I am now proudly promoting the shop using my real name on Facebook. I've seriously de-personalised my account and will keep it more professional from now on, now that it is very much to do with me. No more beauty contests!

When the shit hits the fan the best thing you can do is jump straight back on the horse and do the ride better than the first time.

Child minder needed

I am struggling to open the shop in the afternoons and evenings due to a lack of childcare. It's not possible to open the shop with Lottie in it as she brakes things, puts sticky hand prints on all the glass doors and tables, throws food around, spills water everywhere, yanks clothes off the rails, trashes my desk, screams, throws tantrums and drives me insane. If she plays outside I am constantly having to collect her from the back of the bar at Restaurant Peralta or stop her from stealing people's food and drinks outside the café.

If there is a child minder in San Carlos or nearby who takes children into their own home for not too much money in the afternoon and evening, for about four hours a day, then can they please contact me urgently before I either go completely berserk or bankrupt?

Hurdling in crutches

I've had trouble with my left knee for about three months now and have just hoped the problem would go away on its own. I don't like bothering doctors over trivial ailments. However, the problem is getting worse so I will have to find out what is wrong.

I get a pain at the back of my knee if I've been standing for a long time, walking or dancing. It's got so bad now that it hurts all the time and is making my whole leg feel uncomfortable. It's so painful at times that I limp. I realised last night that I can no longer sleep on my front due to my knee cap being pushed back. The pain is worse when I completely straighten my leg and I have noticed a slight bulge at the back of my knee when I compare it to my other knee.

I always research ailments on the net as I think it is often possible to determine what is wrong with you yourself. There is so much information available nowadays. My symptoms indicate I have a Baker's cyst which is caused by knee fluid relocating to the back of the knee. If it is a Baker's cyst, it is either caused by arthritis (unlikely at my age) or damaged cartilage or tendons. This is slightly concerning as damage might involve surgery.

Living my life is on the verge of mission impossible as it is but trying to live it on crutches would require daily miracles. Fingers crossed!

Ibiza Clubbing

If you need to know about Ibiza club listings, take a look at the blog below which is an exhaustive stock of information and listings...

http://blog.solorecordsibiza.com

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Give someone an inch and they'll give you a mile

I have the attitude that we should all do what we can to help other people. If we have skills which others are lacking in, or if we have tools which others do not own, we should offer them freely. In my village tools and materials are passed around constantly. Today, someone returned my window cleaning equipment, someone else returned my tape measure and I borrowed some masking tape. I also contacted Pacha to see if the two new businesses in the village could appear in the magazine as mine had done. Of course, some people will take advantage but then they only get helped once....and so what if they do anyway? Being taken advantage of will not kill you and the perpetrators will soon learn.

I often spot ways I can help other people and offer my help with no conditions. I do not have a lot of free time but gestures of help are not always time consuming. Today I invited 300 people to an opening party, put flyers for the party on my shop counter and made sure the event stayed high on my notifications list on Facebook. The success or failure of this party will not affect me at all but I wanted to help the promoters and doing so was not detrimental to my life. It took two ticks.

Little did I know that later today the promoter would turn up with his entourage and with six free passes for the party. That was a bonus for me as I was just happy to have helped some people who were daring to do something different to all the rest. I think people who cross the grain deserve a helping hand.

If you never do anything off the bat for someone you can be sure no-one will ever do anything for you, or if they do they will only do it once. If you give of yourself those little snippets of time and energy which would otherwise have been wasted you might find you have grateful faces all around you and treats you never expected.

Here is the Facebook link to the event...

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=17099744316&ref=share

I have a few spare tickets. Does anyone I know want to come?

And the Irish say 'Nay! Not on your Nellie!'

The Irish have voted on the EU's Lisbon Treaty and the vote counting suggests it's a no vote; a rejection of the treaty claimed to be an alternative to the EU Constitution. I believe it is nothing more than a re-written Constitution so am delighted it's been rejected. One step forward for democracy and one step back for Communism I think. What do you think?

Too good for dog's work?

I once had a lodger who wanted a bigger room. When one became available I told him he could swap and I advertised his small room. On the weekend of swapping and moving in of the new person, I reminded this lodger that he, as stated in his contract, was obliged to leave his old room in a state ready for the next person. It had to be cleaned of all trace of him. This instruction appalled him and he told me he was not a cleaner and would not clean his room. I told him he had to do it.

Before going away for the weekend he moved all his possessions up to the big room and left his old room in a very dirty state. I phoned the new girl and asked her if she would rather have a bigger and more expensive room and she said she would. I put all his possessions back in his old room and the girl arrived and moved into the big room. When he came back, he was so horrified I'd denied him of the big room he bundled his things in his car and left. What his mother had taught him I do not know but he clearly felt he was too good to get his hands dirty even with his own dirt.

I would often have trouble getting lodgers to do the weekly jobs. There was always a couple who were great and a couple who were terrible. I got around this by printing off a list of jobs, enough for each person including myself, and leaving it on the kitchen worktop on Saturday mornings. They all knew that some jobs were easier than others and the last person to do their job had to do the one no-one else wanted to do. Soon enough, people got out of bed a lot earlier so they could do the easiest jobs. Those who never caught on and never pulled their weight were politely asked to leave, usually to the delight of everyone else.

I've heard many stories of people who think they are too special for demeaning work. The one which takes the biscuit, however, was of the fit and healthy man who refused to do some weeding by the man who was housing him free of charge. 'I don't do weeding' was his response.

I've done some pretty embarrassing jobs in my time. When I was a student I worked at McDonalds. I had to go into the center of town wearing a big black coat with a McDonald's logo on the back and pick up rubbish from around the benches. I had to suffer sniggers, points and outright raucous laughter but I kept thinking about the money.

I once worked as a char lady (tea lady outside of Yorkshire) at a factory in a very rough area of Sheffield. I had to make the tea for the workers. I was nearly sacked from this prestigious role due to heating the water up in the gigantic coffee pot rather than the tea pot. I kept my job by the skin of my teeth and continued to cycle three miles there and three miles back to earn my crust.

I've handed out cups of Dr Pepper at supermarkets, worked in telesales, counted votes at local elections, been a dog walker, washed cars, worked at a green grocer..... I used to earn money collecting bags of leaves or ice cream tubs of slugs from my parents' garden when I was a kid. I once filled eleven bags and a whole tub one day which cost my parents' far more than they'd budgeted for.

Even when I owned my top floor apartment next to Pacha I worked as a cleaner twice a week. I had money in the bank but also time on my hands and felt compelled to always have money coming in. My employer knew nothing about my apartment ownership and when she recently stumbled across my shop with me in it she got a shock.

It's not possible to get anywhere in life if you believe you are too special a person to muck in and get the dirty work done, or to be seen doing embarrassing work. You can be like that when you are a 'special' person and can afford to pay other people to do these things for you but you are more likely to earn that status if you do get your hands dirty, swallow your pride and tell yourself it will all pay off in the end. If you are a true worker, with a real work ethos, you will do anything. Well, almost anything ;) I've done so much dirty work in my time it doesn't affect me. In fact, I pride myself on my lack of pride when it comes to doing the work other people wouldn't be seen dead doing.

Lottie Bogotti in Tatler

Yes, that is the good news I was talking about. Well, half of it anyway. The other half will wait until all signed and sealed.

Thanks to a star at Pikes Hotel, Lottie Bogotti is going to appear in Tatler alongside other selected shops and venues in Ibiza.

Holy shit!!!!!!!! Have I got some cleaning to do now!!!!

Facebooks hottest bikini babes

That's the name of the group my wooden statue has just joined and this is her photo entry.

She's such a socialite!

My Lottie Bogotti Facebook mascot now has almost 800 friends including top name DJs, Lisa Moorish, Jade Jagger and Robbie Williams!

Do you suffer from an addiction to sets?

Yes, I did write the title correctly ;)

When I lived in Sheffield, everything had to be part of a set and everything needed to match. Crockery was always bought as a set, as was cutlery, glassware, towels, bedding....

I freed myself from my addiction to sets when I went for dinner at someone's house. Nothing on the table was matching or part of a set and it was very noticeable to me. At first I asked myself why she'd not bought herself a new set of everything. After all, crockery isn't that expensive. I was half thinking I'd treat her to a new set. However, after a while I sensed she liked her odd bits and bobs and that maybe she'd owned everything for a long time and therefore it had more sentimental value. I also realised how homely it made the table and kitchen feel. I also realised that if she broke something, or if she went off a certain colour or style, she wouldn't need to replace everything.

Since then I have bought odd mugs, plates and cutlery mainly from antique or second hand shops. This is also part of my determination to live a no-new life. I bought five odd plates and a small mug the other day, each a different colour and style, but they are co-ordinated. My cutlery is all one set but it is old and different to my butter knives which are themselves in two varieties. Glasses don't last two minutes here thanks to Lottie so each one is different. The best thing about having characterful crockery and cutlery is that it is eco-friendly, cheaper and less annoying. I used to hate smashing a plate if it was part of a set.

I think it's easier in Ibiza to be an 'odd' owner rather than a 'sets' owner as there is less pressure to keep up with the Jones's or be seen to live a perfect or fashionable life. When you live in the UK, it's very hard to not fall into the ever replacing and improving mindset. Maybe it's partly due to the lack of department stores here, the fact television isn't such a dictator of lifestyles and advertising in all its forms is very low key. It's a much healthier way to be....I think! I also now realise that buying into the matching sets mindset means you nolonger have to express your own unique style. It's all organised for you. I am now a rebel of conformity!

I think this quote sums it up nicely...

“People think apples have to be pretty. Looking for the perfect plastic apple ruined antique apples. Now, there's a resurgence of interest in historical apples. People are getting into taste again.” Judy Stone

This is an example of one of the things which is different about living here. People ask me what it's like to live here and it's always hard to explain as things like people having odd bits and pieces in their kitchen don't spring to mind and wouldn't sound like compelling evidence that life here is better. However, it's just one little thing which, when added to everything else, makes life less stressful, cheaper and less commerialised.

Someone to really talk to

I'm feeling a bit gloomy today because my best friend Peter told me last night that he has booked his flight for Amsterdam and was leaving next week and staying with his girlfriend for the entire summer. I've known Peter for almost a year and a half and in that time he has given me the best support I have ever had.

He's worked on the shop with me helping me lay the tiled floor and build the kitchen, been great with Lottie, offered an endless supply of advice on men, cooked my dinner lots of times, entertained me with his piano playing and singing, given moral support about the shop, celebrated my day-to-day successes with me, told me straight when I was wrong or needed to change something, given me lifts, invited me to parties and generally been my confidant, mentor, spirit booster and ally.

The best thing about Peter is his positivity. Despite always being honest with me, he's always left me feeling more positive about myself, my shop and my life. He's never told me he's too busy or tired to listen to me, never wavered in his faith in me, never made me feel guilty for anything and never made unreasonable demands of me. He doesn't live in a swanky house, drive a flash car or wear amazing clothes and is not perfect but he has been the perfect friend for me over the last year and a half. He has, more than anyone in my entire life, helped me see myself as an ok person and there is no greater gift a person can give than that. I hope knowing me has been good for him too. This summer will be far less cheery without him but the benefits of his friendship will see me through.

Home in Ibiza for rent

Here's the video I made to help promote my parents' holiday home. Hopefully they will get some bookings from it. There don't seem to be many videos on Youtube offering Ibiza accommodation. It's possible the video will rarely be watched as thousands of clubbing videos will come before it in the search results but it's worth a try and will be useful to add to other online promotions.

Click 'Link'...

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Link

Scientology

If you see ads for Scientology on my blog, don't blame me! You'll never see me intentionally endorsing such mind warping tripe. I have just seen a Google ad of theirs on my blog thanks to Google Adsense. I'll try to block their ads now as I'd hate to think I sent someone their way.

P.s. did you know that when someone first 'signs up' to Scientology they have to reveal all? It's not like in a Catholic confessional though; everything gets written down and filed away. I have read that 'believers' are threatened with the exposure of their inner most thoughts and past errors should they threaten to leave.

My beliefs are that this is a very sinister operation driven by money. It's growing throughout the world though which is a worry as, according to the law, all religions are equal. Will Lottie one day have to listen to a Scientology sermon at school in the name of diversity and religious tolerance? No....she'd be feeling poorly that day. I'm looking forward to the day the Jedi Knights, which is another rapidly growing and officially recognised religion, requests special requirements in school.

I know someone who always clicks on the ads of companies or organisations which he doesn't approve of as it results in a bigger Google bill. Soooo naughty!!!

Positive-negative

Contrary to my previous beliefs, this article explains how constant praise in the 'Good job' variety is counter-productive.

http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm

From now on I will try to remember to not say 'Good girl' so much. When she can talk properly, I will be able to follow the guidance of the article better.

I may have been wrong in my beliefs about how to help Lottie become a 'good girl' but at least I had her best interests at heart; I want her to be happy, nice and successful.

What would my motivations be if everything which came out of my mouth was negative? Why would I say...

'You are stupid.'
'Your taste is awful.'
'Why did you do that?'
'You are cracked in the head.'
'You are wrong.'
'You will fail.'

If I had her best interests at heart, how could I come out with such hateful statements which at best are an extreme attempt at negative reinforcement? Tell her she is crap and she'll be determined to prove me wrong? Or maybe with the attitude 'Prove your worth and I will see you as worthy'.

If I was to do that to Lottie all the time I knew her, I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't accept my eventual pat on the back should she prove all my statements wrong in the end. Mind you, someone who can for so long be so destructively negative would never come out with the final pat on the back. There would always be something wrong to point out.

Funnily enough, the article suggests creativity and risk taking can be hampered by praise.

What's kept me going over the last two and a half years has been determination, energy and motivational support. 'Well done', 'Keep going', 'You're one step closer', 'It's so exciting', 'You can do it'.....have meant all the difference. I'm very grateful to everyone who has been positive on this blog and to my close friends. If you feel you have a support network of people willing you on and wishing the best for you, you will be more likely to do your best and no-one can hope for better than that.

Encouragement and instilling a self of belief is the opposite of negative reinforcement. Making people believe they can better themselves gives people vision and inner strength. Telling people they will fail, or just withholding positive comments until 'due date' merely makes their job of succeeding that much harder due to a battle with gremlins and sapped energy. Besides, what if the day after 'due date' I suddenly fail? Would I only get support for a day? I need positive encouragement now and not on due date which may or may not arrive. I'm the 'whistle while you work type'. I just wish certain people would whistle with me for once as being battered by daily negatives is doing me no good.

I'll show 'em

There are people who bat their eyelids, smack the air, bark out a laugh and walk away with an air of superiority at my creations and second hand clothes and eco-friendly reasons behind them. There are people who have told me I will fail. There are people who have very little faith in me. There are probably people who are willing me to fail.

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This old model was kitted out entirely by the contents of Lottie Bogotti. This old dear is wearing a second hand hat, top and skirt, a bespoke handmade purse belt, a vintage gold, diamond and emerald ring, a bronze style vintage bracelet and a handmade necklace. I think she looks ok in her rags for an old model way past her prime and she's getting lots of gold stars for being totally eco-friendly. Even her Jesus sandals, which are hidden from view, have been owned and well worn for five years.

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I've had some amazing news today. I'll tell you what it is when it's signed and sealed. I don't want to tempt fate. Doubters, skeptics and just plain narrow minded, insensitive, arrogant bitches.....I'll show ya!

Sorry for missing you

Just a quickie to say sorry to the lady who sent me a message of encouragement a couple of weeks ago. You used to read my posts on Spotlight ;) I was so busy at the time I didn't reply and now cannot find your email. Thanks for your message :)

I'm sure there are other people I have overlooked. It's hard to keep track of who I've replied to and who I need to reply to. If I've missed you, I'm sorry.

Shot nerves abound

Geminis tend to be hyper and live on the edge of their nerves, and are also prone to diseases of the nervous system. I tend to speak before I think, blush, become awkward and generally get tongue tied and nervous when I feel excessively scrutinized by people I don't know or people I feel could be judging me. Maybe this is also due to an inner lack of confidence in myself. I don't know! It sometimes makes being a shop keeper who sits working in the middle of the shop a bit difficult although I am becoming accustomed to it.

Last August, however, was very difficult. The shop often had a few groups of strangers in it and I often had many people staring at me and asking me questions. I'd been through a tough time just prior to my shop opening and my dog had just died so I was not feeling very strong in any way. I felt I was being quizzed many times a day by fascinated people. British people especially asked very personal questions and it was hard having to explain why I left the UK, what happened to the Daddy, etc, several times a day. I didn't dislike chatting but quite often it would make me want to be beamed up by Scotty. There were times when I didn't want to open but I also needed to open due to needing to make money. I was forced to put myself in a situation which made me feel uncomfortable so I was drained to say the least.

The winter was very quiet and I'd normally only have one person in at a time, usually only one person a day. The people were almost always known to me so I enjoyed their visits and didn't feel uncomfortable. As things have started to pick up, I've noticed how much better I am at talking confidently to strangers while having all eyes on me. In fact, most of the time I've enjoyed it and reflected positively on the chats as opposed to negatively like last year. I've realised I am in my own domain doing my own thing and others are coming into my territory. This is something a friend told me before the shop opened when I told him I was worried I would be nervous. He said it would be like people stepping into my living room and he was right.

Since I started to worry less about my own nerves I've started to notice other people's nerves. I've realised a lot of people suffer from bad nerves or awkwardness around strangers. I've seen people struggle to write in front of me, struggle to hand over cash with a shaky hand, struggle to fasten necklaces behind their heads due to shaking, stutter, blush.... One lady recently was so awkward she dropped her handbag and out fell a pillbox scattering its contents all over half the shop. Her face looked mortified, she threw herself on the floor and scrambled to pick them up without saying anything. I really felt for her, tapped her on the shoulder and picked them up for her as she was struggling. I gave her back her filled box and squeezed her shoulder to let her know I wasn't judging her. She looked at me with a look of thanks, picked up her shopping and left.

Maybe my experience with awkwardness has given me the ability to spot it in others. I'm more sensitive to other people's discomfort. I quite like that and always do what I can to make others feel comfortable, even if it's to just look away, move away, fasten the necklace for them or take the coins out of their purse.

I think people hide their bad nerves to such an extent it makes them worse. If only we could just see a shaky hand as just a shaky hand and not as something indicating something shamefully wrong with us. If only people could just laugh and say, 'I'm a nervous wreck!' I think it would relieve the tension. I am living proof that it is possible to conquer your fears and that doing what it is which makes you nervous might well be exactly what the doctor ordered and that a long period of mental re-training and not instant miracle cures are probably necessary, difficult though they will be. It's also helpful to acknowledge that you are probably never far away from someone else suffering from nervousness. It's only when your own nerves subside do you start to see it in others and realise you are not alone.

Key purse belt

I really wanted to make something today so decided to finally get round to making a purse belt for all my little cabinet keys. I'm constantly running back and forth to my wooden till for my keys so needed a way to keep them safe and on me. I hate those plastic clip things.

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The material is suede taken from a vintage jacket. The main part is the breast pocket and the belt part is the seams. There are old wooden curtain pole rings (which go round the back too), vintage wooden toggles and a brown (looks lighter in the photo) antique mother of pearl hand carved button. The only new materials used are the metal rivets and no electricity was used to produce it....just man-power. Seriously eco-friendly. Even the embroidery thread used to sew on the button is vintage from my late Grandmother's stash. I wish she knew what I was getting up to with all her bits and pieces as she used to be a craft person too.

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I loved making this belt as suede is so nice to work with and it will be a design I can use again. If you have an old worn out suede jacket or wooden or even nice plastic curtain pole rings you don't want.....you know who wants them ;)

Narrowing down the niches

I've been working on the website project every day for the last couple of weeks. I can only fit in an hour or two at night as it's not possible to focus on it during the day when there are so many other things to do and when I'm distracted by customers.

I think it's important I spend 90% of the time researching what it is I'm going to focus on with my website and 10% of the time on the visuals, rather than just going straight in and producing a pretty picture which no-one looks at or buys into. I also want the theme of the website to last and not to be weakened over time by tweaking.

Thanks to loads of thinking and online analysis, I think I've homed in on what I want to do. I've decided I don't want the website to reflect the shop entirely. The shop may not remain the same forever and what sells best in the flesh isn't what I want to sell to cyberspace. I sell more second hand clothes than anything else and although it's great for the planet it's not something which will get my business a name for itself globally or something I can get passionate about.

I'll not say too much but I'm hoping my online business will sell unique, funky, special, eco-friendly handmade things, be they bags, necklaces or.....secrets, secrets, secrets! It's going to be an eco-emporium. I've got some ideas up my sleeve which I can't wait to try and which I think could do really well. Anyway, think wacky just like Ibiza.

My main problem is time. I have a zillion ideas and things I want to get started on but I only have snippets of time to spend on making things. I've not made a bag for three weeks! I've so little time to clean my home that it's been a case of fire-fighting over the last year; when something got spilt or broken, the broom and mop came out. Doing the cleaning is impossible if Lottie is awake as she gets jealous of the time devoted to something other than her and becomes a performing clown all over me like a rash, very similar to when I'm on the phone. I have to wait until she's gone to bed which is usually after 10pm. The other night I started doing my spring cleaning and didn't stop until 3am!

It's hard to know what to focus on. I need to promote the shop, clean the shop, deal with customers, repair/iron/price-up/display clothes, make bags, drop Lottie off and pick her up twice a day, make breakfast/lunch/dinner, do the washing up, tidy and clean our home, do paperwork, buy clothing stock, fix the car, update Ibiza Expat (now not often!), work on the website, email tonnes of people who contact me, do various things on Facebook (which has born fruits)...and bath, dress, brush hair and teeth, and paint the toe nails of both me and Lottie....yes, I sometimes paint her toe nails as it would be mean not to when she puts her little foot next to mine on the loo lid.

Ok, I do go out once a week or fortnight and I have been to the beach about four times this year (!) but that's it! Oh yes, and I do waste time writing on this blog but that too has born many fruits so it's not really wasted (and I do write like lightening!). It's not a problem for me at the moment because I enjoy what I do immensely and seem to have more energy the more I do. What worries me though is how I am going to manage the website and trade from it, including making things and posting them, when I have lots of people in the shop in the summer. Last August I hardly had time to pee and was gagging for a drink most of the time. I will eventually have two shops and a manufacturing operation!

Maybe, if I can aford it, I will need to employ someone to be a shop assistant while I work in my basement. Now that would be blooming marvelous! Unfortunately it's a chicken and egg situation as I need the website shop to pay off my debts and become financially secure but my real shop takes all my time and I don't have any money. Even if I don't make many sales in the day I generally have lots of groups of people in who almost always stay to chat. Hmmmm....if only Lottie could talk, wrap things, sweep the floor and handle cash ;) Maybe the answer at first is to make less but better.

I laughed so hard it killed me!

The first time I thought about my own mortality was when an old man told me that 'we all go one day' while holding me in his arms at my granddad's funeral. I looked around at all the old people and felt sorry for them being next in line and realised one day it would be my turn. Despite my turn to fall down the waterfall seeming very distant, it scared me into thoughtful silence; one day everything would go black and I'd never do anything again.

As is probably normal, I would occasionally think about what it would be like to be dead. I remember my childhood mind most often thought, 'Oh god, I'd never get to watch TV again!' I was practically brain dead half the time during my childhood years thanks to TV and tasty fingers. I put it down to the calm before the storm as I now have an IQ of 132 :)

What would I miss now, now that TV almost never features in my life? Looking at my beautiful daughter's face and seeing it smile back at me. Today, despite her having grazed knees from a fall a few minutes before setting off to nursery, and us sitting on our black bin liner-covered seats in our wet car, we sang Three Blind Mice, London's Burning and Morning Has Broken. Well, I sang badly and she made lots of strange noises. Despite her having grazed skin on the palm of her hand, she insisted on holding my hand while we went along with the wind buffeting us and flapping the bin liners. Every minute or so I'd turn to look at her beautiful face surrounded by her blond curls and it would smile and laugh with me.

I think I'm very good at turning negatives into positives and getting pleasure from little things with little need for big things. I'm not the best; some people can live in a tent and be happy but I'm certainly far from the worst. I am working almost every waking minute at the moment, in one way or another, but it's not due to a desire to be wealthy, famous or powerful; I am mostly driven by a desire to defend what we have now. I hope when I am on my death bed I have smiling, laughing faces all around me and I hope I am laughing too. I doubt I will be contemplating what material possessions I managed to amass, what cars I drove or how 'comfortable' my life had been. I will be thinking about whether or not I was happy and whether or not my offspring are happy; did I make the most of my lot?

After I kissed Lottie's nose and patted her head I set off back up the hill, flapping away in the wind and singing Always Look on the Bright Side of Life...da da da da da da da da....

...which I wanted to sing to her on the way to nursery but she learns the naughty words very quickly ;)

Antique Chinese panels at Lottie Bogotti, Ibiza

This is a set of seven early 19th Century (estimated 1820-30) silk and gold hand embroidered panels. One is not shown as it is being re-framed but is equivalent in size to the one behind the buddha. These panels were originally part of one wedding banner which would have been displayed at weddings and passed down through the same family. They are made entirely of silk and real gold thread, plus a few pieces of what are believed to be Ming dynasty mirror used in the panel to bring good luck to the newly weds. They depict mythical animals and figures from ancient Chinese folklore.

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This is an extremely rare collection of very impressive works of art as wedding banners would not normally have been so luxurious and would normally still be owned by the originating family. This set obviously came from a wealthy family. The reasons for it not still being with its family are unknown. It is now framed behind anti-ultra violet light glass in seven sections due to it deteriorating in areas after being stored folded for a very long time. Unfortunately the folded areas needed to be sacrificed in order to save the main pictures. However, given they are estimated to be almost two hundred years old, they are in incredible condition. The detail is amazing, especially the real gold thread which is gold wire coiled around red silk thread. That in itself must have taken an age to make, and all by hand of course.

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Each frame is 0.56m in height and the total width is 4.15m (approx). These panels would look fantastic in any setting, beit contemporary, rustic or traditional. This is a one-off opportunity in Ibiza and one you would struggle to find anywhere in the world. This set is offered by private negotiation. World-wide shipping can be arranged. Please contact me at lottiebogotti@gmail.com or phone Hannah on (Spain) 0034 618 900 128.

Men would 'do' anything!

Oh my goodness. I cannot believe it. Even the wooden statue in the shop is getting lots of male attention via her Facebook account. She's been invited to play polka, been sent cyber plants, been bought and received countless romantic emails from men.

I've been having a bit of a giggle with her relationship status by changing it from 'single' to 'in a relationship' to 'engaged' to 'married' to 'single' in the space of a few days. A man then sent an email offering sympathy over her failed relationship and promising to come to see her in the shop soon!

She is now 'in a relationship' and I've added 'to the marble bust in the corner which has been staring at her since last September' to her general status. Hopefully this will keep the Romeos away. On second thoughts, men like a challenge don't they? Am I going to have to turn her into a lesbian??? No...they like that too :( I think the only thing which could put them off this wooden woman is me stating she is single, heterosexual and looking for a relationship. Men don't like it too easy ;)

Thanks to the Welsh folk

I had a visit from a couple from Wales who had been reading my blog for a long time. Before coming, they'd scoured their town and it's nearby towns for vintage buttons, relieved their friends of their stashes and even knocked on the doors of old ladies. They arrived with a big bag containing smaller bags, each donated by these unsuspecting button mugging victims. They also brought a backgammon board for me and a teddy for Lottie. Not only that but they traveled by bus from San Antonio to see us and the shop.

I just wanted to say thank you to the couple and to all the people who donated buttons and who read my blog in Swansea and beyond. I now know there are a lot of you! Hello Swansea!

Can Jayne please let me know her wrist size and postal address as I want to make her something to say thank you for being such a sweet and generous lady?

xxxxx

Yes, I'm still alive

My friend Peter and I went to Sansara in San Carlos on my birthday, and then to Izay at the marina in Ibiza where we played several games of pool with some Spaniards. As there was a piano in the bar, I asked the barmaid to turn the music off so Peter could play me a tune which was a real treat. I finally persuaded Peter to go to Pacha with me. He's lived here for twenty-two years and thought he'd never been. Once we were in, however, he recognised it.
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The first thing we did once in was hunt down the Pacha mag to check the page devoted to Lottie Bogotti. There was a lot of screaming going on in the Pacha shop! My premonition was right; I did carry a mag around the nightclub and show everyone nearby until I accidentally left it in the loos which was a bit of a blessing ;) I managed to blag our way into the VIP area and Peter enjoyed it so much he stayed until the end despite having made me promise I wouldn't try to get him to stay longer than five minutes.
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It was Peter's birthday on Sunday and he had a BBQ party to celebrate which was nice and relaxing in his rustic garden with his Dutch friends. A very nice weekend.